Coolest Submission Emails Ever!

The Eel gets some wonderful submission emails. She has therefore decided to dedicate part of her site to showcasing some of the funniest and kindest emails the Eel receives. The Eel would like to encourage all writers to send emails that show that they have read the website, and because they make her smile.

Dear Eel,
 
I bow to your power of selection by acknowleding in this fashion that I have not only visited your website, but have also read the humourous emails you have posted. I would love for you to read my work, to consider it for publication, and then to ultimately choose it for the same, but I will be content if you simply enjoy the work. They are included for your electrocution.
Sincerely,
April Salzano

Dear Editorial Eel,

In the briny depths of this email, please find the following three poems vying for your consideration. Being very poor swimmers, they are not being sent out to other literary Eels at the moment and nor have they been published before. There's also a brief biography for your piscene reading pleasure. Thank you very much for reading my work. 

Electrocutedly yours, 
Alex Yuschik


Dear Ms Eel

I understand from Ashley that you are currently perusing the tide to see what offerings wash ashore for your next installment. Attached and below is a little offering, complete with brief fish references, called "Easter on Hekla" and a brief biographical scribble. It is previously unpublished and is cast only into your waters.

Warmest fishes
Anna Erlandsdottir

To the Glorious Eel,
A beauty so fierce I cannot bear to look upon it, inspires my devotion to you...May the Eel accept my apologies, so humbly offered, for being a pain in the Eel's rectum at this time. May your droppings continue to flow freely and fragrantly, to perfume our beloved Humber. With respect, fear, and healthy subservience on this day so profoundly important in the lives of your humble servants, slaves and 'creatures',

Lucy Johnson - willing servant of anything wet and serpent-like, and humble visitor from Eel's greatest ancestral home - the fens and boggy waters of South East Eeland; member of 'Appreciators Of The Real Saltiness of Eels (A.R.S.E. est. 1994); Co-founder of the Anglian Royal Society of Experiencing The Holistic Organic Life of Eels (A.R.S.E.H.O.L.E. est. 2003) - (Head Quarters in Grimsby, Goole and Mumbai).

Eel's Response:
Dear Minion Lucy,
Apology accepted. Don't do it again.
Regards,
The Master. 

Dear Elongated Fish,

Your predatorial nature resulted in the immolation of my last submission. I'm sure there are hunks of that story still floating around the sea, waiting to be devoured by the bottom feeders that are not as picky as yourself.

So, alas, here we go again. Let's hope that "Baby Steps" faces a better fate at your hands.

Thank you for your time. My boring bio is below, and the piece is pasted because it makes you happy. 

Thanks,

Nathaniel Tower

Dear Eel, from the other side of the nighthope sea, the conger turns screw-like in his chair, spitting words onto bald paper. here's a pair of slithy bits from the benevolence of carpinteria's tar pits, to the doors of the mighty Humber. Hope they please. James

This one was pure genius- many thanks to Jade Kennedy for this little gem!

Hail Almighty Eel, Grand Master of the Seven Seas!

I bring you literary gifts! I spread before your glorious fins the finest catch from my feeble human poetic attempts. It would be the highest honour of my miserable life if I could be part of the majesty that is Eclectic Eel. 

Please accept my humble offerings in celebration of your glory.

Ever your servant and minion,

Jade